Weird memories.....

OK this is not an everyday thing where my past wants to come and tells me"hey look at me remember me",But it did and I almost couldn't even explain how I felt next. Life can be one of those confusing things that tends to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.When it does, it hurts. Well traveling back as far as 1993 into 1994 where life had taken a turn I didn't want to proceed with. Being at the age that I was, still innocent and such,I could never understand things around me for what or what reason other than sadness. Of course my words are circling the subject because this was a difficult period in my life. Still mourning the lost of a dear friend to me ,my only sigh of relief was my family. Changes occurred and well that family split and became a mother,and the youngest of three sisters and me. We stayed with family,but turned out for the worst until my mother was able to get me and my sister a place for the three of us. The place felt empty and dead,and well kinda of scary for my age. This place made me appreciate every waking moment that I had before this. From this point on I had made it clear that I would keep to myself and distance any friendships,not only because of the lost of a friend,but the lost of many others I had accumulated from the move. I'd Transfer to a new school where I felt lost and just scared and wish I could just go back to the way things were. Yes I was picked on,called names,even jumped a few times getting off the bus in front of our apartment complex. They say when bad times happen you try to suppress awful memories,never understood why these memories have comeback and now almost haunt me daily. Anyway, during these days when I wasn't at school or running for my life,I was upstairs in a apartment with no a/c and really nothing to do. I would sit in front of the kitchen window sometimes and just stare out and study people as they were passing by. I also stared into the green trashy pool that I sometimes had wish had clean fresh water for me to swim in. God I wish for all of it to go away,pleaded and begged every night. Instead I laid in my own tears waiting for unanswered prayers to be answered. I was enraged with religion and everything that had to do with it,even when I did my first communion,I felt that I had put my effort in hopes that one day God would be there. As time progressed, it almost felt like a lost caused and I yearned for answers. Then again what could anyone say to a 9 year old boy who feels like they've lost everything,"have faith and believe that through thick and thin we all shall feel no more pain or sorrow,but joy and happiness" quoted from Father Davis. As time did move on it seemed like times were getting better,but they did get worse again. I was just given advice to basically be patient with God and life would turn around again,and I did just that. I can go on and on or even into detail of this mountain that I had to climb in order to feel happiness again,but nothing could predict the conflicts ahead of me and my family.